As you can see from the title, the blog post for this week is about relationships, healthy ones, toxic ones, old ones and new ones. I want to talk about how you can effectively manage these relationships through positive communication and psychology.
Did yall know thereis a field of psychology that “explores what is positive, creative, and fulfilling in human behavior.” Literally, its described as the study of well-being and flourishing, essentially how we control our outcomes in life, we determine our own happiness and there’s a million ways to do so. One of them being, effective communication.
Positive psychology examines positive emotions, engagement, gratification,relationships, strengths, virtues, meaning and purpose. Whew CHILE, alotta people can’t even spell purpose (not literally but you get the point), nonetheless evaluate their own and that’s sad. Not knowing your own purpose in life can take a negative toll on your relations around you.
Learning this has really helped me sit back and reflect on some of my own issues, that in turn has helped me change some of the way I see things around me.
Someone once asked me to write a paragraph describing the qualities I seek in a romantic partner, and to identify the most important. I want you to think about that same question: what is the most important quality you look for when searching for a significant other. MY number one answer is LOYALTY. I value the idea of knowing that I don’t have to worry about my boyfriend acting an ass and wildin’ out on me, I can’t go for it nor will I fold.
BUT, their ability to COMMUNICATE comes in close second, if not overlapping with the first. A person’s communication skills can speak volumes to how satisfied you will be in your relationship, whether it be romantic or platonic.
The ability to communicate EFFECTIVELY is a skill that surprisingly most people don’t have. Some of us grow up in households where we learn that raising your voice andbeing the assertive “I PUT MY FOOT DOWN” attitude will win the war.
That’s the type of household I grew up in, what mystepdad said was LAW, regardless of how anybody else felt about it. Unfortunately, that has taken a toll on my outlook on relationships and how to effectively communicate the things I want/need and what bothers me. I get so lost in the screaming battle that I losesight of what the real issue at hand.. The fact that I may not be as good of a communicator( IN A RELATIONSHIP) as I thought.
THAT IS NOT OKAY.
YOU SHOULD KNOW HOW TO COMMUNICATE YOUR FEELINGS, YOUR WANTS/NEEDS WITHOUT SLITING EACH OTHERS THROATS.
NBC better did an article on how effective communication can help couples to stop arguing, give it a skim and slide right back.
The experiences you go through as a child very much so shape your worldview for your future & learning effective communication skills are an essential part of creating that worldview.
Research shows that one of the most frequently focused on area in couple’s therapy is communication skills. Being able to engage in healthy EFFECTIVE discussions will result inhigher relational and sexual satisfaction – yup. I dropped the big S E X on ya.
You have to be able to talk to ya partner if you want to freak on em, or is that just me? Any who…
A study conducted in 2013 indicated that couples that value effective communication have a higher sexual/pleasurable satisfaction in their relationship overall.
It comes down to this, plain and simple, CLOSED MOUTHS DON’T GET FED.
IF YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT, IT IS LESS LIKELY THAT YOUR NEEDS WILL BE MET.
This goes for the MEN and WOMEN, neither of us are mindreaders, so being able to voice your opinions in a healthy way is essential to overall happiness in your relationship.
It is never too late to enhance that area of yourrelationship though, increase the chances of you both being HEARD and UNDERSTOOD.
Below is a relationship communication test, provided by no one other than the relationship GURU himself, Dr. Phil. I want you to take it and ponder on it for a bit.
Are you as effective of a communicator as you thought? Maybe/maybe not.. Moving on.
Check this video out, its a video on 11 Habits of Happy Couples… Watch it, BUT COME BACK. I ain’t done with y’all yet.
EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION requires:
- Activelistening
- Complete TRANSPARENCY
- R-E-S-P-E-C-T
If you like and respect Dr. Phil as much as I do, I want you to take a look at this video.. Yes, I know ANOTHER ONE, but the information being shared in these videos are essential to helping you learn to communicate. I also feel like Dr. Phil can help you relate a little better with a real life scenario. Give it a looksie.
It is no secret that couples piss each other off, that’s a no brainer. However, how you handle and resolve that conflict can be detrimental to the well-being of your relationship. I wanted to give a few tips on how to better handle your significant other when all you wanna do is put em 6 feet under:
- STOP – smell the roses & blow out the candles, i.e. take time to BREATHE and gather yourself and your thoughts.
- THINK – after you’ve calmed down, think over the situation. What made you so angry and how could it have been avoided… Or even, was it worth the argument in the first place (I can assure you 9/10, it’s NOT)
- TALK – this is self-explanatory, TALK to yourpartner. Use those effective communication skills.
- LISTEN – honestly listening is an iatrical part of communicating, if you cannot actively LISTEN and value what your partner is saying you might as well jump ship because that will get you NO WHERE but on the curb not getting nooooooooooo cuddy and nobody likes NOT getting the cuddy.
Communication isn’t always easy, I know this. Hell, I see areas where I need to improve every day, but it’s VITAL to your existence. It may be awkward or hard at times, but I assure you these SIMPLE steps can save your from a whirlwind of headaches and heartbreaks.
Be like NIKE and JUST DO IT DAMMIT!
Chelss Speaks 